I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
