youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
