I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
