Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
