omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
