Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
