Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
