I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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