Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
