i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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