You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
