ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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