Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
