i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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