So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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