I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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