So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
