I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
