He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
