Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
