Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
