i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
