Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
