I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
