Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.