someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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