Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar