Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!