If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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