11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes