Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
