who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
