you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
