She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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