He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
