Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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