so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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