I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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