my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
