I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize