Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
