Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
