i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
