you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
