you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
