Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
