he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
