Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
