Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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