I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
