i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
