i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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