I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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