Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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