I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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