I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
