As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
