So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
