I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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