You smell like a Billy Joel song
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
