My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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