you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
