I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
