I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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