I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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