I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
