I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize