I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
