Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
