my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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