can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
