Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
