So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
soo... how was my night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
