Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
