then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
