I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
