Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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