Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
